Pain and Hope
by dancing-in-the-silverain
Summary: Alice's life before she got turned into a vampire. Bittersweet. One-shot. Please read and review!


**If any of you are reading _Roses are Red, Red is Danger _I would first of all like to express just how sorry I am that I haven't updated in forever. I have been busy and then I ran short of ideas but I will post as soon as it's done.**

**This story is in the POV of the doctor guy mentioned by James in _Twilight_ the one who changed Alice. James is the vampire mentioned so intent on hurting Alice.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything *sigh* it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

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Her petite frame shook once again as her sobs wracked through her tiny form. Natural jet black hair was in complete disarray from where she'd tugged at it in anguish. Not once in her years here had she opened her eyes and for that I was grateful. If she had I wouldn't be able to deal with the enormous amounts of pain I assumed lay there. Over the years I had come to think of her as my daughter and I hated that I had to watch her in constant pain.

As I saw it, life was split into two worlds: dreams and reality. Reality can be incredibly harsh at times and that was why we need dreams to carry us through the hard times. However, even when the girl was asleep she still writhed in agony.

As well as never opening her eyes, she also had never screamed. Even now, as she sobbed she had her tiny fist in her mouth to keep them absolutely silent. She never made a sound and there was something so innocent about her face as she dealt with her anguish by herself that it broke my heart.

Always had I wondered whether she would be happier if I changed her but I never did for fear that she would hate me for making her have an eternity of this life. I couldn't bear it if she hated me but equally I couldn't let her go. So I'd made what I hoped was the best decision and now all I had to do was carry it out. I walked towards her making no noise at all.

"This might hurt, but I guess you are used to pain by now. I'll let you live your own life I promise but I'll always watch you from a distance making sure you're safe. If you find others of our kind, then I'll be able to let you go, knowing you'll be okay."

Just as I bent to reach her neck she stilled. I was petrified that the vampire who had threatened to hurt her had somehow reached her before me but as soon as I glanced at her face I lost my train of thought.

She'd stopped her silent sobs and her face looked almost... relieved? I had always assumed that she didn't really understand life or people but maybe I was wrong. Apparently I was more wrong than I could imagine, she understood everything. But this simply pained me even more because it proved that she had a real reason to be so upset all of her years.

Suddenly my thoughts were cut short however because her eyes opened. I had often wondered what colour her eyes would be but never had I imagined what I saw. I guessed they would be violet or gold, an unusual colour, a special colour; after all, my little girl was an unusual but special child. Instead, they were a clear blue, a perfectly normal colour but there was a certain sparkle in them that made them unique, it almost looked like hope.

They seemed to pierce straight to the truth of things. I felt like she could see everything about me, my hopes, dreams, love and wishes for her. I felt like a father looking into the eyes of his newborn for the first time and swelling with pride. I wanted her to stay a little girl and to never have to face anything cruel in her life. Unfortunately, something cruel had already entered her life, the vampire who wanted to hurt my baby girl.

Her piercing eyes seemed to know that I wanted to help for a small smile graced her lips and she whispered, "I'm ready." Her voice was small but carried, quiet and loud at the same time, it was a strange combination.

How she knew what was going to happen I never found out, but now that I had her consent I felt happier about what I was about to do. I smiled timidly back at her and took one last look at her beautiful, big, baby blue eyes before I leant towards her neck once again. Taking a deep breath I bit down on her already pale skin as gently as I could.

Her blood was sweet but I never even considered draining her, she was my daughter and although her blood was delicious I had tasted more appealing and still managed to not drain them. I had spent years learning restraint and now I knew she would survive this. She thrashed under my grip but she was no match for my strength. For the first time ever she let out a scream.

A single, high-pitched, long-lasting scream that pierced straight through my heart that had not beaten in over four hundred years. I let out an inhuman strangled choke that sounded like an animal in absolute agony which was similar to how I felt.

When I looked into her eyes again though I didn't see the same aguish that I felt in my own, instead they were childlike; wide, innocent and naive. She almost looked grateful and I wondered whether after so long of being in immense emotional agony, maybe it was nice to have physical pain to concentrate on instead.

That was the last time I saw my baby girl. She was sat with her legs stretched out instead of in her usual ball. Her eyes were bright and hopeful, her head was thrown back and she let out a single laugh which was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Her pale skin which would only become more translucent was almost shining with excitement at her new life. My life ended that night but I knew that my little girl would be okay and with that thought and the image of her as I last saw her, I died in blissful happiness.

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**Hope you enjoyed it,**

**Elle F x**


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